We move from honesty to repentance,and realize that an abused person does not move from forgiveness for having experienced powerlessness,betrayal or ambivalence.She needs forgiveness for turning her soul against life with little thought of serving the deepest well-being of others.
1 Peter 2:24-25 ; Gal.3:10-14 ; Heb.12:2 -The cross is proof of the everlasting,sacrificial love of God.But it is more, it is also the evidence of the wrath of God against sin.
Gal.6:8 -Our gratitude for the perfect love of a merciful God will propel us toward pouring ourselves out for the sake of others.
1 Pet.2:23 ; Prov.8:13 -To love is to hatet evil.
Matt.5:47-48 -Love is essentially a movement of grace to embrace those who have sinned against us;and forgiveness involves a hunger for restoration and revoked revenge.
Bold love is a commitment to do whatever it takes(apart from sin) to bring health (salvation) to the abuser.It is a powerful force and energy to reclaim the potential good in another,even at the risk of great sacrifice and loss. Purpose for doing good is to destroy evil. Evil avoids the light,it expects the abused victim to fear shame,to live behind masks,rejoices in death,expects victim to withhold life,and expects victim to hate and to nourish this passion.
Confrontation:
Lu.17:3-4
-Abused victim should confront when there is a concern
for the abuser and concern for others whom he may also be abusing.She
must move from honesty,to repentance and practice bold love with
those other than the abuser to prepare herself to confront her
direct abuser.
It is a process of building a new kind of relationship,building consistent boundaries,rebuking and inciting the abuser to repent,offering relationship,deepening intimacy,learning sorrow and rejoicing,and persevering faith toward God's redemption of the abuser as a person clothed in dignity and strength.
If the abuser does not respond and repent,the victim can still forgive by offering bold love until relationship could be restored.Relationship not to be restored until the abuser repents.
After initial confrontation,repeated rebukes may be necessary.If he still resists,then excommuncation may be necessary but always leave door open for the abuser that he may still be reconciled.
2 Thess.3:14-15 -To deal with one who admits the past but deals with the damage in a cavalier fashion,or asks for forgiveness for self-serving purposes,one should strip the abuser of his normal ploys to escape rebuke.This requires a continual returning to each step,forgiving over and over,as long as there is some evidence of repentance.
The only route to restoration is thorough "brokenness",not just a "I am sorry" but involves evidence that a change is occurring ,and change is a long-term process.