Phil. 3:13-14 - Denial Based Forgiveness- Hiding the past always involves denial, and denial of the past always involves a denial of God. To forget your personal history is trying to forget yourself and the journey God has called you to live. Holy passivity is not the key to quick-cure solutions, such as: loving those who have abused you, not really knowing why you are to love them though Scriptures says to do so. Before this can be done, the pent-up emotions must be dealt with. Dealing with the past is not simply forgive and forget-denial, pressured love or passionless conformity.
Ps. 23 ; Isa. 42:3 - We are to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Walking this path involves opening up and putting into words the condition of our inner being and placing these words before God and to receive His response.
To cover up our shame and contempt, we pretend or deny and thus hesitate to bring it before the Lord for fear He may also condemn us. Damage of the Past-Through denial and not dealing with the past, we set up a complex scheme of self-protective defenses, and it is these defenses which guide our interactions with others in all aspects of living, revealing a distorted personality made up of false defenses, not the true self guided by the Holy Spirit but one guided by sin, the past hurts not biblically dealt with.
2 Tim. 4:8 - God called us to fight the good fight of faith, to reach the crown of righteousness which requires a transcended self, opened and freed from past corruptions in order to live the life God called us to have, a life of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. God called us to an abundant life, not one of pretense.
Enemies- The abused has a natural longing to be pursued, enhanced, known and enjoyed but hates these longings because of the distortions caused by sexual abuse. Their hunger for love leads to a strong distaste for any passion that might lead to a vulnerable expression of desire.
True Enemy- The enemy is not really the longings of one's heart, anymore than it is the abuser. The enemy is sin that refuses to bow to God. The enemy is the internal reality that will not cry out to God in humble, broken dependence. When a person is victimized, her inherent commitment to depend on her own resources swings into action. The determination to make it against all odds begins a frightening cycle involving the elements of shame and contempt.
Shame: Shame involves 4 important elements:exposure, revelation, dread of the consequences, and empowering trust. As a result of the fall, we despise standing vulnerable before God and others. Therefore, we find countless ways to flee from His presence to avoid being seen.
Shame exposes an element of depravity, or shines light on some elememt of our dignity such as tripping in front of a group of people. In either case, a deficiency is revealed and our attempt to be self-enhanced and in control of our lives is revealed showing our weakness and our vulnerability.
If others see our faults and failures, then we would not be wanted or enjoyed for ourselves. Thus, shame and concern for our dignity invokes within us to cover-up our faults. We ignore the issue of depravity and feel shame about our longing for what God intended us to enjoy.
Rejection is a by-product of being seen as deficient and is an element of shame.